There are certain things in my life I have known. I knew my parents didn't love me. I knew I would eventually leave their house and never speak to them again. I knew I would go to Colgate University and that I would belong there. I knew who I would be friends with for life.
I knew I would ultimately be alone.
I knew I would get my jobs at Atlantic and Razor & Tie.
I knew Freddy would cheat on me.
I knew Phil and I would never last.
I knew I wouldn't have babies.
I knew when I was done with New York.
I knew which jobs weren't meant to be, even the one that moved me to LA.
I've always known when my period is coming, when I was going to be fired, and when someone was mad at me.
I haven't always known when the bills are due. I haven't always known when I've had too much to drink. I haven't always known how to seal the deal.
But now, I know nothing. I know not where I'm going; I know not where to go. I know not what to do; how to wake up; how to live; how to die.
I know not what the future brings.
I know not what it means.
I only know how I feel, how I love, how I want, how I hope. I only know what I don't know. I know what's not there. I know what hasn't happened.
I know that where I am is where I want to be.
And that's all I can know.
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