January 18, 2013

The Road to Nowhere, Part 2

I feel like I've been in a state of arrested development, ever since I arrived in LA.

I mean, I hit the ground running in LA, starting a new career in tech, settling into my new apartment, in my new city of Beverly Hills...

But that all came to a screeching halt when I was unceremoniously laid off after only three months into my new career, after which I went crawling back to the music industry, taking a literal and symbolic few steps back in my career.

I squatted there for a while, til I was brave enough to leave, without having another job lined up.

And then, when I was fully available for hire, no jobs came.

And I've been treading water for the last six months.

In November, it was clear that all of my prospects were at best on pause until the new year, so I got a job - any job - just to tide me over.

But now that job takes up most of my time. And it's a nowhere job. It's not a career move. It's not getting me anywhere. It's just allowing me to stay where I am, for just...a little while...longer.

I spent so much time in New York trying to get to LA, that now I'm here, I feel like I'm going nowhere.

I got where I was trying to go. Now what?

I am existing here.
I am surviving here.

But there is no meaning.
There is no love. There are few and only fleeting connections.
There is no money.


There is beauty.
There are pleasures.
There are possibilities.

Related Posts:
This Is It
The Road to Nowhere

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  1. Sandi, I discovered your blog in a search about one of the places you hiked to, and then I've spent the last couple of hours reading. I am very moved by your story, although sometimes it's hard to understand all the details.

    I, too, am experiencing a career disruption, right now. It is definitely an existential upheaval.

    I, too, journaled as a child and young woman, and have had doubts and have been perplexed about love and have been lonely.

    I have walked some of the trails you write about; I have similar interests in historic theatres and other structures; I've even written about them myself!

    My life has gone a very different way than yours, but when I read your posts, it resonates, and is deeply moving. You are an excellent writer. I hope you will be able to overcome some of the feelings of doubt and despair and find what you are seeking.

    1. Thanks so much. There are some parts of some stories I have left out either for my own personal privacy issues or to protect others involved...but some stories I'm just not ready to tell yet...or am just saving for later...If you follow hyperlinks within blog posts you'll start to see a narrative thread emerge, I think. At least, that's the intention. :)