April 30, 2013

My Time Has Passed

I think it's too late for me.

I think my time has passed.

I think I have grown so resilient to the perils of life and love that I can't stop being suspicious.

I can't stop being hurt. It's the most natural thing for me.

I can't stop assuming I'm going to be hurt.

I can't stop assuming the worst.

I can't stop waiting for the worst to happen.

And when it does, I'm kind of glad.

When it does, I'm kind of relieved.

Because I knew it. I just knew it.

I was right all along.

And I am not good at letting someone prove me wrong.

No one has ever loved me back. Why would anyone start now? Or later? Or then? Or ever?

I have gotten good at being alone. It is both the easiest and hardest thing I do, every day. My independence is perhaps my greatest accomplishment.

And yet, perhaps, it is also my greatest impediment.

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