December 31, 2010

Open Letter to 2010, A Fond Farewell

Dear 2010, oh year that has passed,

It is with no remorse that I bid you adieu, a fond farewell for the times we have shared. I had such high hopes for you. And, in many ways, you were good to me. I am grateful for you.

But it has not been easy.

You wanted me to lose weight, as did many of the years that came before you. I knew it for a long time. And even though I thought it would be impossible to lose as much as my 30 pound goal, I managed to lose nearly 50. Thanks to Weight Watchers, I am empowered, a master of my own domain. I needed success desperately. I had no idea how much I also needed the help and support.

Maybe thanks to the weight loss, or thanks to traveling alone, or to moving to Queens, I started dating again. It had been a long time. It was about time. But my timing is still off: I still can't manage to find someone when they're available, or manage to fall in love with someone who will love me back. Romances that initially seem destined eventually fizzle without reason. Calls and text messages just stop coming. Second dates never turn into third dates. And the older I get, the less hope I have for ever getting married. I thought this might be the year that could make it seem possible, but I'm no better at having a relationship now than I was ten years ago. I'm just better at eliciting invitations for first dates.

Thank God I didn't get pregnant. I can't believe I still have to worry about that, not only because of my lack of insurance, but because of my perpetual singlehood.

I also worried about paying the rent, even more during your year than I ever had before, even after having moved to Queens to reduce the rent by half. I paid the rent on a credit card, something I haven't had to do since 1997. And although I finally got an apartment with a bedroom, it was someone else's apartment, making my bedroom the only part of it that felt like mine.

Twelve months ago, I placed very few demands on you, 2010. I only requested a few simple things. And despite all of the good things you brought about (though 2009 put you to shame in terms of my career success and stability), you need to own up to your shortcomings.

You broke my heart on Valentine's Day.

You left me alone on Independence Day.

And you most certainly are going to make me cry tonight, on New Year's Eve, a night I'd had such high hopes for. What's left of my heart to break?

So I ask you, on our last night together, to be gentle with me. Treat me kindly and gingerly, for I am delicate and sensitive. Let me pass peacefully in the night into the new year. Hand me off to 2011 with as much love and luck as you can. I needed so much more from you than you could give me. And so it is time for us to say goodbye.

But I will not forget...


Related Reading: Open Letter to 2010

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