Monday, June 27, 2011

Make It Happen

You can't force an employer to hire you.

You can't force someone to love you.

You can't force someone to forgive you.

You can't force someone to miss you.

You can't force someone to let you love them.

But when do you give up, and accept defeat? When do you admit it's over?

Is it ever over?

Is it over with my parents, with whom I haven't spoken in almost four and a half years?

Is it over with the one I left behind in New York?

is it over with the one who left me behind in LA?

Will I ever sleep?

Will I ever love?

Will I ever marry?

How do I know when it's over for me? When I'm 35? Or when I'm 65?

Will I be lying on my deathbed in fifty years, gasping my last swallow of air, when someone will burst through the door with a last-ditch confession of lifelong love and obsession, finally gathering the courage to say what they'd been feeling all along? When I'd waited 85 years, and now it was too late?

There are many things I can do. I can answer the phone. I can put myself in the right place at the right time. I can do a good job and live a good life and have a good heart.

But I cannot take any more control over my life than I already have. For now, I can only wait.

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