But now that I'm actually here, I'm trying to make the best of it. I'm trying to enjoy settling into my new life, even though I don't know how long I'll be living here and I'm reticent to settle in too much to a situation that already feels like settling.
I'm starting to appreciate my new surroundings...
- being able to check my phone on the elevated train ride from Queensborough Plaza to 30 Av
- Brooklyn Bagel & Coffee decaf iced coffee across the street
- cheap groceries and a happy reunion with Key Food
- Steinway Street, my own nearby outdoor mall
- a window air conditioner that blasts my room to refrigerator-cold temperatures
- a roommate who smiles at me and offers to make me tea
- sunlight that wakes me up before noon without an alarm
But still, I walk down 30th Avenue looking wistfully at all the people sitting at the outdoor cafes, sipping their drinks, laughing with each other, and I feel alone. I've spent every day, all day, in Manhattan since I moved in. I don't have much desire to be here in Astoria, to try new bars and restaurants, to explore - especially not on my own.
I'm just exhausted. I've spent 13 years exploring New York City. At some point I would like some stability and familiarity. I'd like to not have to work so hard.
But New York is a city that must always be pursued; it will never pursue me the way I need to be pursued.
So while I'm in limbo, I'll try to smile in the sun and not walk in the shadows as I'm usually inclined...
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